孩子成功的秘密是什么？| Grit-the secret to making our kids successful

作為父母，我們會一直思考這樣的問題。什么能使我們的孩子取得成功？怎樣才能幫助我們的孩子獲得實現夢想的能力呢？許多年來，教育家、家長們以及心理學家發現高智商（IQ）是成功人士都具備的特質。IQ，是衡量一個人信息理解速度和能力的指標。IQ越高，越能夠在相對短的時間內理解大量信息。當我們回顧歷史上最有創造性思維的人物時，比如愛因斯坦或者霍金，他們有兩個共同點：高智商和領域內的高成就。但是，新的研究發現智商可能不是決定成功的最重要因素。哈佛心理學家Angela Duckworth走訪跨國公司、全國拼字比賽以及頂級中學，想要發現“哪些人最終能夠成功？”。結果表明最有力的預測因子不是外貌，不是家庭背景，而是毅力。

什么是毅力（Grit）？

毅力是“對長期目標的持續激情及持久耐力的性格特征”。心理學家對于毅力的定義包括兩個部分：1.堅持長期目標的能力。2.克服挫折持續向前的能力

經過無數研究，Duckworth博士發現“天分很重要，毅力更重要”。她的發現可以總結為以下兩個公式：

天分x努力=技能

技能x努力=成就

當你有天分，再加上努力，可以獲得技能。有了技能，再加上努力，可以取得成就。不付出努力，天分只是未開發的潛能；不付出努力，就沒有可能獲得技能。這就是為什么毅力更重要。

毅力（Grit）是美國當下最時髦的教育理念。教育家正在努力嘗試改變現有的教學方式和教學理念，關注學生毅力的培養而不是填鴨式教育。

啟明星學校早已重視通過不同的方式培養學生的毅力。在練習籃球時，如果學生不夠努力，他們需要“爬梯子”。“爬梯子”并不是字面上的意思。它指的是學生在籃球場上來回地跑。這樣做的意義是什么呢？每個人都有狀態不太好的時候，但是不意味著這時候可以放棄努力。啟明星關注教導學生學會堅持。為什么呢？因為只要足夠熱情，足夠努力，成功自然而然會到來。啟明星致力于磨練和完善學習過程，而不是急功近利地求取眼前結果。

總結一下，研究者發現毅力是成功最有力的預測因子。它幫助學生更好地學習，幫助士兵更好地完成訓練，幫助成人更有效地工作和維持婚姻。

那么我們怎樣才能幫助孩子們變得更有毅力呢？這就需要面臨以下三種挑戰。

1、面對新事物的挑戰

挑戰我們的孩子們跳出舒適區。學習新的東西、新的技能就像是場馬拉松，而不是快跑。孩子會有感到焦慮、不適，甚至失望的時候。重要的是幫助孩子們意識到這樣的情緒很正常。不屈服于這樣的情緒，學會與之和平相處，才能不斷進步，直至卓越。怎樣運用呢？不斷地鼓勵孩子進入新的環境。讓他們意識到感到焦慮、不適或者失望并不意味著他們應該放棄。具體怎么做呢？您可以每一天給孩子一點挑戰。不需要是多么大的挑戰，不一定是要報名一項新的體育運動或者新課程。可以是鼓勵他第一次自己點餐這樣的小事。第一次您的孩子可能會慌亂或者不安，但是當他/她多做幾次，就會意識到這些負面情緒只是學習過程中的一部分。重點：每天都讓孩子經歷一點挑戰，以使他/她能夠認識并且明白焦慮、不適和失望只是學習的一部分。

2、面對重復的挑戰

在Malcolm Gladwell《異類：不一樣的成功啟示》一書中，一萬小時的練習是成為任一領域專家的魔法。許多人認為天才是不適用這一規則的。但是事實卻不是這樣。就連著名的作曲家和音樂家莫扎特經過至少10年的努力才能寫出一首經典曲目，成為我們現在還在聽的經典。著名的籃球運動員科比·布萊恩特，每天都要四點半起床，比他的對手們練習更長一段時間。引導孩子意識到成功需要時間，對于他們堅持不懈地努力很重要。明白成功是馬拉松而不是快跑很關鍵。學習如何在不斷重復帶來的枯燥感中持續努力，是通向成功和卓越的必經之路。重點是要有意識地去練習。只是空喊口號“我要學好數學”沒有太大幫助，人需要具體的、可以實施的目標。舉一個例子，科比每天都在練習結束前完成（不是湊合）800個跳投。當大多數人談到努力工作的時候，他們在用花費的時間作為努力工作的標志。“我這周工作了60個小時”。僅僅只是花更多時間（甚至10000個小時）不足以成為最優秀的人。最好的藝術家、音樂家、體育運動員、CEO們以及企業家們不只是工作時間長，他們專注于每一次練習過程。怎樣才能運用呢？有意識地去練習。僅僅告訴孩子“你要學好數學”是沒有用的，幫助他們樹立具體的、可以實施和操作的目標。不管是解100個數學題或者記10個新詞，樹立規則的目的是幫助孩子們意識到長時間的練習是學習過程的一部分。當然，不是每一天都會發生有趣的事。重要的是關注在學習的過程中，而不是眼前的結果。只要不懈努力，就會成功。

重點：幫助孩子不斷練習，意識到成功需要很多小時的積累。（至少需要10000小時）

3. 不斷保持希望的挑戰

通向卓越的路避免不了失敗。犯錯在所難免。但是，我們需要幫助孩子們意識到犯錯很正常，如果在追逐夢想的過程中，秉承自己能夠變得更好的信念并且不斷努力，自然而然會不斷得到提高。可能不是今天或者明天，但等待是值得的。認為自己的能力有限這種想法會像癌癥一樣侵蝕生活的方方面面。以為自己的能力是一成不變不僅是錯誤的，更被證實會對人持之以恒的能力帶來損害。我們人類大腦是有可塑性的，也就是說大腦的結構會因為我們的努力和經驗而改變。怎樣運用呢？我們作為父母，首先需要有毅力。我們要成為孩子們的榜樣，身體力行毅力意味著什么，怎樣在困境中堅持。孩子們需要明白通過努力和全身心的投入，任何事都有可能。我們可以通過言語不斷傳達這一信念，掙脫限制，對孩子們說“只要努力，沒有什么不可能”而不是“這不可能”或者“我永遠也不可能達到那樣的水平”。重點：幫助孩子專注于“通過努力，可以提高”的信念，而不是錯誤以及負面的信念。

毅力是熱情和耐力的結合體。毅力需要發現熱情所在，并且持之以恒地為之努力。正如我們所說，堅持是可以教導的。但是熱情是教不了的。 為什么呢？簡單來講，熱情是假裝不了的。熱情是被激發的，不是學來的。作為家長，重要的是幫助我們的孩子不斷經歷不同的人和事，直到他們發現自己的熱情所在。

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As parents, we all have one question on our minds. What makes children successful? How can we ensure that our children have the ability to achieve their dreams?

For many years, educators, parents, and psychologists identified intelligence quotient (IQ) as the greatest variable in successful people. IQ, is a measure of one’s speed and capacity to comprehend and understand information.Those with higher IQ scores tend to be able to comprehend large amounts of information in short amounts of time. When we look at some of the brightest minds in all of history, such as Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking, they all seem to have two things in common: a high IQ and tremendous success in their field of study.However, new research suggests that IQ may not be the greatest factor in determining success. Harvard psychologist Angela Duckworth went around to multinational businesses, national spelling bees, and top-high schools with one question: “Which individuals would end up succeeding?” The greatest correlational variable was not physical looks, nor was it family background, it was grit.

What is Grit?

Grit is “perseverance and passion for long-term goals”The psychological definition of grit contains two components:1. The ability to stick to long-term goals2. The ability to keep going despite adversity

In study after study, Duckworth found that “where talent counts once, effort counts twice”.TALENT x EFFORT = SKILLSKILL x EFFORT = ACHIEVEMENT

When you apply effort to talent, you get skill. When you apply effort to skill, you get achievement.Without effort, talent is merely untapped potential. Without effort,?skill is something you could have done, but never did. That is why grit counts twice, and that is why it is important.Grit is already a hot topic in the United States. Educators are rushing to alter their teaching methods and philosophies to focus more on grit instead of trying to insert information into students’ minds.Daystar has already began emphasizing many of these elements to grow grit in various ways. In basketball practice, if students are not working hard, they are required to do “ladders”. Don’t let the name fool you. Ladders are when students repeatedly run back and forth across a field. The philosophy behind this exercise? Everyone has days where their performance may not be the best, but this does not mean we stop putting in effort. Daystar is focused on teaching perseverance. Why? Because results always follow once there is enough passion and perseverance. Daystar aims to hone and perfect the process, rather than opting for immediate results.To reiterate, grit is the greatest predictor of success that researchers have found. It helps kids do better in school, soldiers follow through with demanding military training, and adults succeed in work and stay in marriages.

How do we instill more perseverance into our children? These are 3 challenges to instill perseverance into your child.

1. Challenge of the New?

Challenge your children to come out of their comfort zones. Learning something, or getting better at a craft, is a marathon, not a race. ?There will be moments where you may feel anxiety, discomfort, or even disappointment.The key is teaching your children that these emotions are normal. To not shy away from them, but rather, embrace the process in learning and striving after excellence.How do we practically instill this?Constantly Expose your children to new environments. Let them understand that anxiety, discomfort, or disappointment does not mean they should quit or give up. What exactly does this look like? You can present new challenges to your child every single day. It does not necessarily mean signing up for that new sport or class. It can be something as simple as allowing him or her to order food at a restaurant for the first time. Your child may get flustered or nervous, but the more he or she does it, he or she will know that this is simply apart of the process.The key? Challenging your child with new environments everyday so that he or she recognizes and understands that feeling anxiety, discomfort, or disappointment is simply apart of the learning process.

2. Challenge of the Same?

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, he illustrates that 10,000 hours is the magic number to become an expert at any field. A lot of people think that geniuses are excluded from this rule. However, that is not the case at all. Even renowned musician Mozart had to work for at least 10 years before he produced any of his most popular pieces, the ones that we listen to still even to this day. Famous basketball athlete, Kobe Bryant, wakes up at 4:30 AM every day to get extra workouts in comparison to his competition.Teaching children that success takes time is an important part of growing perseverance.?Being aware that success is a marathon, not a race, is critical. Learning to do things well, despite boring repetition, is apart of the process towards success and excellence.When most people talk about working hard, they use the amount of time they worked as an indication of how hard they worked. “I worked 60 hours this week! Simply working a lot (even if it is 10,000 hours over the course of your career) is not enough to make you a top performer. ?The best artists, musicians, athletes, CEO’s, and entrepreneurs do not simply work a lot, they focus lots of hard effort and work towards deliberate practice.How do we practically apply this? Instill deliberate practice! Instead of telling your child “to get better at math”, help them set up purposeful, specific, and manageable goals. Whether it is 100 math problems, 50 push-ups, or 10 new words, instilling the discipline of deliberate practice, aims to help your children understand that these long hours, are part of the process. Obviously, not every single day will go amazingly or be perfect. Understand that everyday will not be amazing. Rather, what’s important is to keep focusing on the process, instead of the short-term results. If you work on this craft for long enough, you will master it.Key: Help your children deliberately practice, constantly being aware that success requires a lot of hours (at least 10,000 to be exact).

3. Challenge to Hope?

The process towards excellence is inevitably going to involve failure. ?It will involve mistakes. However, we need to help our children understand that mistakes are normal. If you go after your goals with the belief that you can do better, and if you work hard at things, then naturally improvement will follow. It may not be today or tomorrow, but it is far worth the wait.Limiting beliefs about your abilities can be cancerous. Falsely believing that your abilities are fixed is not only wrong but can prove to be incredibly damaging to one’s ability to persevere. Our brains are not like formed rocks, but more like plastic, something that can be reshaped through effort and experience.How do we practically instill this? We As parents, we need to be gritty. We need to be our children’s role models of what it means to have grit, to persevere in the face of adversity. We need to teach our children that anything is possible through hard work and dedication. We can teach this belief to our children by continuous verbal reinforcement such as, “Through hard work things and you will both improve”, and by removing limiting beliefs such as, “This is impossible” or “I’ll never get this”.Key: Help your children focus on the belief that “through hard work, improvement will happen” and remove false and negative beliefs.

Grit is a combination of passion and perseverance. Grit is about finding something that you are passionate about, and learning how to work hard and persevere towards it. Now perseverance, as we have stated, could be something you teach. But passion is unteachable. Why? Simply put, you cannot fake passion. Passion is caught, not taught. The key is exposing our children to various different people and experiences so that they can find something that they can become passionate.