冬日溫情絮語 呵護凌云喬木——記清華附中國際部家長學校第九期講座
“綠茗伴書香，紅裙展雅韻。側耳聞珠璣，漸悟溝通意。”這樣充滿詩情畫意的圖卷，在清華附中國際部圖書館里徐徐展開，這便是溫暖如春的家長學校第九期講座的會場。12月7日，董博士為50余位附中及國際部的家長，帶來了“樂做積極父母，培養三好孩子”的講座。December 7th, cold winter has arrived in Beijing. Outside the window the north wind is blowing white sky, inside the library of THIS, is the warm venue of the Parents School of the ninth lecture. Dr. Dong gave a lecture titled “Happy to be a positive parent, cultivate excellent children" to more than 50 parents.
本期講座也是”愛的語言與親子溝通”系列講座的第三期。在前兩期的講座中，董華春博士和張然老師為家長們介紹了“非暴力溝通”和“正面管教”的理念和方法，通過課堂體驗和生活中的運用，家長們改善了親子關系，也提升了溝通技巧。在系列講座的第三期，董華春博士將繼續采用體驗式教學的方法，引領家長們一起探尋成為積極父母之路。
This lecture is the third of the "Love language and parent-child communication" lecture series. In the last two lectures, Dr. Huachun Dong and Ms. Ran Zhang introduced the concepts and methods of "Non-Violent Communication" and "Positive Discipline" to parents. Through classroom experience and application in life, parents have improved their parent-child relationships and communication skills. In the third lecture, Dr. Dong will continue to use experiential teaching methods to lead parents in exploring ways to become active parents.
董博士提出，孩子的教育不僅僅在學校，而是在家庭，在父母，在他接觸的每一個人。教育分有幾個層次，包括知識教育、能力教育、智慧教育和心靈教育，其中，心靈教育是最重要也是最關鍵的一環。我們身為父母要學習的是如何塑造孩子積極、有生命力的心靈。
Dr. Dong suggests that a child's education is not only at school, but in the family, with the parents and everyone around them. Education is divided into several levels, such as knowledge education, ability education, wisdom education and mind education, and the mind education is the most important part. As parents, we need to learn how to help our children have a positive mindset.
首先，家長們要秉持“積極態度”。董博士列舉了生活中常見的例子，啟發家長們思考，為什么對待同一件事情，大家會有截然相反的看法呢？不同的生活態度，往往會影響我們對于世界的認知，也會影響到孩子的人生觀，所以“樂做積極父母”的第一步，就是時常保持積極樂觀的態度。
First, parents should adopt a "positive attitude". Dr. Dong lists some common examples in daily life, and helps parents to think about why people may adopt a negative rather than positive frame of mind. Different attitudes towards life often affect our perception of the world as well as children's outlook on life. Therefore, the first step of "being a positive parent" is to always maintain a positive and optimistic attitude.
其次，要學會使用“積極方法”。具體的步驟分為聽、想、說、做、學。
Second, learn to use the "positive approach". Specific steps are divided into listening, thinking, speaking, doing and learning.
第一步——“聽”，是親子溝通的基礎。據相關研究，在聽的過程中，人類60%的語言內容、90%的情緒感受以及99%的心理需要都被漏掉了，我們一般只聽到了40%的內容，10%的情緒感受以及1%的需要。
Step 1-- “listening”. Listening is the basis of parent-child communication. According to studies, in the process of listening, 60% of the language content, 90% of the emotional feelings and 99% of the psychological needs of human beings are missed. We generally only hear 40% of the content, 10% of the emotional feelings and 1% of the needs.
所以家長在聽孩子講話時，要刻意地訓練自己，在聽內容的時候，也去感受孩子的感受和孩子內心的需要。
So, parents should train themselves deliberately when listening to their children and try to empathize with their children's feelings.
第二步——“想”，在充分聽的基礎上，家長不必急著發表意見，保持情緒的穩定，開口之前要想一想，這件事正面優勢1、2、3和負面劣勢1、2、3，即所謂“三思而后說”。
Step 2 -- "thinking". Think before you speak. Parents should maintain emotional stability and do not need to express their opinions in haste. Before opening their mouths, they should think about the positive advantages 1, 2, 3 and negative disadvantages 1, 2 and 3 of taking action.
第三步——“說”，家長在說之前要與孩子先“共情”，認同其感受、肯定其需要，啟發孩子“說出自己的感受”，通過商量解決問題，從而改善親子之間的溝通。具體的技巧有：說的時候，家長要與孩子保持眼神的交流、合適的手勢與動作，語速要慢、腔調要溫柔，將真正的意思表達準確，并且將不好的內容和意思過濾掉。
Step 3 -- “speaking”. "Empathize" before speaking. Parents can improve parent-child communication through identifying children’s feelings and needs and then inviting them to "talk about their feelings". Specific techniques include maintaining eye contact with your child, using appropriate gestures and movements, speaking slowly and gently, expressing exactly what you want to say, and eliminating unnecessary negative words.
第四步——“做”，“十年樹木，百年樹人”，孩子的培育，像精心培育小樹苗一樣，需要系統的方法，漫長的過程，家人的團結協作等等。
Step 4 - “doing”. “It takes ten years to grow a tree, but a hundred to rear people”. The cultivation of children, as carefully as the cultivation of small saplings, needs a systematic approach, is a long process, and requires family unity and cooperation.
第五步——“學”，董博士強調“學生”的意義就是學習生活、學習生命的過程，保留孩子的內在熱情，促進孩子的自發學習，經過漸進和積累，使孩子成長為樂于分享、有責任感的人。Step 5 -- "learning". Dr. Dong emphasizes that good parenting involves retaining the inner enthusiasm of children, promoting their children’s spontaneous learning, and helping their children grow into people who are willing to share and have a sense of responsibility.
家長們熱情地參與了講座中的兩次活動教學，分別扮演“家長”和“孩子”，體驗“聽”和“說”兩個環節，加深了理解。
Parents enthusiastically participated in two activities. One was role-playing parents and children respectively, and the other was experiencing the two parts of "listening" and "speaking", which deepened their understanding.
最后，董博士特別強調了溝通的重要性，希望家長們能將今天學到的“聽”、“想”、“說”、“做”、“學”的五步法運用到生活當中去，像本杰明.富蘭克林修煉十三項美德一樣，逐項逐步地改進親子溝通技巧，最后將孩子培育成“說好話”、“做好事”、“存好心”的三好孩子。
Finally, Dr. Dong placed special emphasis on the importance of communication using the five steps: “listening", "thinking", "speaking", "doing", "learning" will be used to gradually improve parent-child communication skills and help kids develop into excellent children.
當天，清華附中國際部副校長李文平女士也親臨現場并講話。李校長指出家長學校就是要做一個社會、學校、家長溝通的橋梁，感謝家長們持續參與家長學校的學習，學習國際前沿的成功家庭教育方式，在系統學習中提升多方面綜合素質，改善教育方法，提升教育水平，優化家庭的教育環境，增強教育效果，使每一個成員，都成為參與者、合作者和學習者；李校長也希望家長們把關注的焦點，從孩子的生活指向教育。從教育的角度解讀我們的孩子，實現和孩子共同成長；更加希望家長們能夠將學習到知識和理念運用于生活中，家校攜手，共育英才，實現學校、家庭、社會三方面的教育合力，共同成長。
Today, the vice principal of THIS, Ms. Wenping Li gave a speech emphasizing that parents are the bridge between the society, schools and parents. She thanked the parents for continuing to learn about how to perfect family education, for improving their communication methods, and cultivating a positive atmosphere in their homes. Ms.Li also wanted parents to focus on their children's life education.
主講人介紹Lecturer
董華春博士，香港大學訪問學者，北京開放大學客座教授，清華大學博士后，北京大學國際金融法博士，美國賓夕法尼亞大學證券法博士。兩個孩子（12歲和8歲）的媽媽，世界創新教育聯盟中國委員會委員，美國正面管教家長講師，曾系統學習美國正面管教、非暴力溝通、心理劇團體治療、青春期親子關系等課程。
Dr. Huachun Dong is a visiting scholar from Hong Kong University, a visiting professor at Beijing Open University, and has received a postdoctoral degree from Tsinghua University, a Doctor of International Financial Law at Peking University, and a Doctor of Securities law of Pennsylvania University, USA.
She is a mother of two children (ages 12 and 8) and a member of the China Committee of the World Alliance for Innovative Education. She is also a lecturer promoting Positive Discipline in the United States. She has systematically studied American Positive Discipline, Nonviolent Communication, psychodrama group therapy, adolescent parenthood and other courses.
