哈佛大學本科生錄取文書長什么樣？

Successful Harvard Essay: Yukta

Garishly lined with a pearlescent lavender, my eyes idly scanned the haphazard desk in front of me, settling on a small kohl. I packed the ebony powder into my waterline with a shaky hand, wincing at the fine specks making their way into my eyes.

我的眼睛懶洋洋地掃視著面前那張雜亂無章的桌子，盯著一個小kohl。我用顫抖的手把烏木粉裝進水線。細粉進入我眼睛的，我齜牙皺眉。

The palette's colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes.

The girl in the mirror seemed sharper, older, somehow. At only 12, I was relatively new to the powders and blushes that lined my birthday makeup kit, but I was determined to decipher the deep splashes of color that had for so long been an enigma to me.

鏡子里的女孩不知怎么的似乎更敏銳，更老了。在我12歲的時候，我對我生日化妝包里的粉末和腮紅還比較陌生，但我決心破解長期以來對我來說一直是個謎的顏色的深深的粉飾。

After school involved self-inflicted solitary confinement, as I shut myself in my bedroom to hone my skills. The palette’s colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes. Much to my chagrin, my mom walked in one day, amused at my smudged lipstick, which congealed on the wispy hairs that lined my upper lip.

放學后，我把自己關在臥室里磨練自己的技能時，如同被單獨監禁了。調色板的顏色融入其中，我想象力的廣度交織成了現在脆弱的畫筆。令我非常沮喪的是，有一天，我媽媽走進來，對我弄臟的口紅感到好笑，它凝結在我上唇的稀疏毛發上。

“Halloween already?” she asked playfully.

“已經過萬圣節了？”她開玩笑地問道。

I flushed in embarrassment as she got to work, smoothing my skin with a brush and filling the gaps in my squiggly liner. Becoming a makeup aficionado was going to take some help.

當她開始工作時我尷尬地臉紅了，用刷子把我的皮膚刷光滑，填補了我歪歪扭扭的眼線上的空隙。我要成為化妝達人還是需要一些幫助的。

“What’s this even made of?” I asked, transfixed by the bright powder she was smattering on my cheeks.

“這是什么做的？”我問道，被她灑在我臉頰上的亮粉驚呆了。

“You know, I’m not sure,” she murmured. “Maybe you should find out.”

“你知道，我不確定，”她低聲說。“也許你應該知道。”

I did.

我真的去做了。

Hours down the internet rabbit hole, I learned that the shimmery powder was made of mica, a mineral commonly used in cosmetics. While the substance was dazzling, its production process was steeped in humanitarian violations and environmental damage. Determined to reconcile my burgeoning love for makeup with my core values, I flung the kit into the corner of my drawer, vowing to find a more sustainable alternative. Yes, I was every bit as dramatic as you imagine it.

幾個小時后，我上網GOOGLE了解到這種閃閃發光的粉末是由云母制成的，云母是一種常用于化妝品的礦物。雖然這種物質令人眼花繚亂，但其生產過程卻充滿了違反人道主義和破壞環境的行為。我決心調和我對化妝品日益增長的熱愛和我的核心價值觀，于是把套裝扔到抽屜的角落里，發誓要找到一種更可持續的替代品。是的，我和你想象的一樣富有戲劇性。

Now 17, I approach ethical makeup with assured deliberation. As I glance at my dusty kit, which still sits where I left it, I harken back on the journey it has taken me on. Without the reckoning that it spurred, makeup would still simply be a tool of physical transformation, rather than a catalyst of personal growth.

現年17歲的我，在對待道德構成時有著堅定的思考。當我瞥一眼我那塵土飛揚的工具包時，我想起它帶給我的旅程。如果沒有它的刺激，化妝仍然只是身體轉變的工具，而不是個人成長的催化劑。

Now, each swipe of eyeliner is a stroke of my pen across paper as I write a children’s book about conscious consumerism. My flitting fingers programmatically place sparkles, mattes, and tints across my face in the same way that they feverishly move across a keyboard, watching algorithms and graphs integrate into models of supply chain transparency.

Makeup has taught me to be unflinching, both in self-expression and my expectations for the future. I coat my lips with a bold sheen, preparing them to form words of unequivocal urgency at global conferences and casual discussions.

I see my passion take flight, emboldening others to approach their own reckonings, uncomfortable as they may be. I embark on a two-year journey of not buying new clothes in a statement against mass consumption and rally youth into a unified organization.

We stand together, picking at the gritty knots of makeup, corporate accountability, and sustainability as they slowly unravel.

現在，當我寫一本關于自覺消費的兒童讀物時，每畫一筆眼線筆都是我在紙上的一筆。我的手指以編程的方式在臉上涂抹閃光、啞光和色調，就像它們在鍵盤上狂熱地移動一樣，看著算法和圖形融入供應鏈透明度模型。

化妝教會了我要堅定不移，無論是在自我表達還是對未來的期望上。

我在嘴唇上涂上大膽的光澤，準備在全球會議和非正式討論中形成明確的緊迫感。我看到我的激情在燃燒，鼓勵其他人接近自己的想法，盡管他們可能會感到不舒服。我開始了為期兩年的不買新衣服的旅程，以反對大規模消費，并將年輕人團結成一個統一的組織。

我們站在一起，在化妝、企業問責制和可持續性的棘手問題上慢慢推進。

Deep-rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.

I’m not sure why makeup transfixes me. Perhaps it’s because I enjoy seeing my reveries take shape. Yukta, the wannabe Wicked Witch of the West, has lids coated with emerald luster and lips of coal. Yukta, the Indian classical dancer, wields thick eyeliner and bright crimson lipstick that allow her expressions to be amplified across a stage. Deep-rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.

我不知道為什么化妝會讓我著迷。也許是因為我喜歡看到我的幻想成形。Yukta，一個想成為西方邪惡女巫的人，有著祖母綠光澤的眼瞼和煤炭般的嘴唇。Yukta，這位印度古典舞者，揮舞著厚厚的眼線筆和鮮艷的深紅色口紅，讓她的表情在舞臺上放大。深深植根于勝利和磨難的旅程涂抹在我的皮膚表面——這個悖論讓我興奮。

Perhaps I am also drawn to makeup because as I peel back the layers, I am still wholly me. I am still the young girl staring wide-eyed at her reflection, earnestly questioning in an attempt to learn more about the world. Most importantly, I still carry an unflagging vigor to coalesce creativity and activism into palpable change, one brushstroke at a time.

也許我也被化妝所吸引，因為當我揭開層層面紗時，我仍然是我自己。我仍然是那個瞪大眼睛凝視著自己倒影的年輕女孩，認真地提問，試圖了解更多關于這個世界的信息。最重要的是，我仍然保持著不懈的活力，將創造力和行動主義結合成明顯的變化，一筆一筆。

Professional Review by Prepory

This student takes a household item as common as makeup to build a narrative that is as universally accessible as it is unique. This object is inflected with facets of both her personal and cultural identity that give the reader immediate contact with the student’s personality.

She takes us on a sweeping journey through her investigation of the world around her, and embarks on a coming-of-age story without losing sight of the essay’s main topic. This student strikes a balance between the narrative and creative writing elements that are integral to successful personal statements.

The writer gives us glimpses of insight into her personal development across multiple years, using makeup as a medium for self-reflection and discovery. She masterfully leverages the colors and elements of her makeup collection to craft vivid descriptions, situating imagery as the cornerstone of this essay’s approach and success.

She takes up an object so easily tied to consumerism and superficiality and uses it to champion the societal and ethical battles for which she advocates.

We also see that the writer of this essay has a clearly defined voice. While many students struggle with the temptation to elevate their writing through ornamentation, this writer is able to maneuver a vibrant writing style that remains engaging, rhythmic and measured.

Through each moment of this essay, we learn what the author cares about: conscious consumerism, creativity, and activism; we also learn how she thinks: curiosily, selflessly, and with feminist undertones.

The opening sentences of this essay employ a successful strategy for personal statement writing, rich with adjectives detailing a small scene, that is expanded upon to make a larger commentary about the author and where she stands in society.

Last, the student’s essay compliments her larger admissions profile in which the reader learns about years of advocacy, sustainable practices, and intentions to positively impact her community.

這個學生用一種像化妝品一樣常見的家居用品來構建一種既普遍又獨特的敘事。這個對象受到她的個人和文化身份的影響，使讀者能夠立即接觸到學生的個性。

她帶我們踏上了一段全面的旅程，對她周圍的世界進行了調查，并開始了一個成長故事，同時又不忘文章的主題。這個學生在敘事和創造性寫作元素之間取得了平衡，這些元素是成功的個人陳述PS不可或缺的。

這位作家用化妝作為自我反思和發現的媒介，讓我們看到了她多年來的個人發展。她巧妙地利用化妝品系列中的顏色和元素進行了生動的描述，將圖像作為本文方法和成功的基石。

她拿起一個很容易與消費主義和膚淺聯系在一起的東西，并用它來支持她所倡導的社會和道德斗爭。

我們還看到，這篇文章的作者有一個明確的聲音。盡管許多學生都在努力通過裝飾來提升自己的寫作水平，但這位作家能夠駕馭一種充滿活力的寫作風格，這種風格仍然引人入勝、有節奏、有分寸。

通過這篇文章的每一刻，我們了解到作者關心的是什么：有意識的消費主義、創造力和激進主義；我們還了解了她的思考方式：好奇、無私、帶有女權主義色彩。

這篇文章的開頭句子采用了一種成功的個人陳述寫作策略，充滿了詳細描述一個小場景的形容詞，并對作者及其在社會中的地位進行了更大的評論。

最后，這位學生的文章贊揚了她更大的招生檔案，讀者在其中了解了多年的倡導、可持續實踐以及對社區產生積極影響的意圖。