被哈佛大學(xué)錄取的文書長什么樣？好在哪里？

相信哈佛大學(xué)是很多同學(xué)心中的夢校吧！想知道被哈佛大學(xué)錄取的文書長什么樣嗎？

哈佛大學(xué)校報(bào)《The Crimson》每年都會邀請廣大新生分享了自己的申請文書，并從中精選出10篇最佳文書進(jìn)行點(diǎn)評發(fā)布。

這些文書代表了哈佛大學(xué)招生官所尋求錄取的學(xué)生的重要品質(zhì)或特性，非常有參考價值。

今天老師就來分享其中一篇以“跳舞”為主題的文章，跳舞一直是個老生常談的話題，這位同學(xué)表面上是寫跳舞，但實(shí)際上把自己的內(nèi)心成長、價值觀非常自然地展現(xiàn)了出來，并且聯(lián)系得非常緊密。

同學(xué)們是不是迫不及待地想看這篇文書了呢？來一起來看看吧！

Successful Harvard Essay: Playing it Dangerous

In hazy stillness, a sudden flurry of colored skirts, whispers of “Merde!” Sternly, my fingers smooth back my hair, although they know no loose strands will be found. My skin absorbs heat from stage lights above—if only that heat would seep into my brain, denature some proteins, and deactivate the neurons stressing me out.

A warm hand, accompanied by an even warmer smile, interrupts my frenzied solitude. I glance up. My lovely teacher nods, coaxing my frozen lips into a thawed smile. A complex figure, filled in with doubt, yet finished with shades of confidence: My body takes its place and waits.

One, two, three, four; two, two, three, four. On stage, the lights and music wash over me. Never having had a true ballet solo before, my lungs are one breath away from hyperventilating.

Trying to achieve a Zen-like state, I imagine a field of daisies, yet my palms continue sweating disobediently. It’s not that I’ve never been on stage alone before; I’ve had plenty of piano recitals and competitions.

Yet, while both performances consume my mind and soul, ballet demands complete commitment of my body.

Gently slide into arabesque and lean downward; try not to fall flat on face—Mom’s videotaping. In terms of mentality, I would hardly be described as an introvert; yet, a fear of failure has still kept me from taking risks.

Maybe I was scared of leaping too high, falling too far, and hitting the hard floor. As I moved up in the cutthroat world of dance, this fear only increased; the pressure of greater expectations and the specter of greater embarrassment had held me contained. Now, every single eyeball is on me.

Lean extra in this pirouette; it’s more aesthetic. But is it always better to be safe than sorry? Glancing toward the wings, I see my teacher’s wild gesticulations: Stretch your arms out, she seems to mime, More!

A genuine smile replaces one of forced enthusiasm; alone on the stage, this is my chance to shine. I breathe in the movements, forget each individual step. More than just imagining, but finally experiencing the jubilation of the music, I allow my splits to stretch across the stage and my steps to extend longer and longer, until I’m no longer safe and my heart is racing.

Exhilarated and scared in the best way, I throw myself into my jumps. I no longer need to imagine scenes to get in the mood; the emotions are twirling and leaping within me.

Reaching, stretching, grabbing, flinging ... My fear no longer shields me. I find my old passion for ballet, and remember the grace and poise that can nevertheless convey every color of emotion. Playing it safe will leave me part of the backdrop; only by taking risks can I step into the limelight.

Maybe I’ll fall, but the rush is worth it. I’ll captain an all-male science bowl team, run a marathon, audition for a musical, and embrace the physical and intellectual elation of taking risks.

招生官點(diǎn)評：

Lisa通過她富有創(chuàng)造性的散文描述成功地喚起了讀者的真實(shí)情感，生動形象的畫面、發(fā)自內(nèi)心的感受和心理活動，創(chuàng)造了一篇優(yōu)秀的文章。將Lisa的經(jīng)歷比作一只被困在封閉籠子里的鳥，籠子就是我們在生活中所面臨的恐懼的隱喻。

Lisa的第一部芭蕾舞獨(dú)舞被出色地詮釋為她的“掙脫”，在那一刻，她擺脫了恐懼（打開了她的籠子），并通過深刻的自我反省，選擇了接受未來的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)（只向前飛）。

在第 1-3 段中，Lisa她豐富的語言立即吸引了我們，因?yàn)樗枥L了自己因壓力、對失敗和公眾輿論的恐懼而無法動彈，讓人同情并想了解更多。同時她的幽默感完美呈現(xiàn)：想要讓她的大腦神經(jīng)元失活并提醒自己不要先摔倒，以免被她的母親責(zé)罵 。

Lisa將她可愛的老師作為她的舒適區(qū)和支持者，這是許多人可以分享的主題。她的焦慮是有相關(guān)的，她用它們來解釋她的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)規(guī)避行為。

在第 4-5 段中，Lisa的獨(dú)奏被生動地描述為她跳舞中實(shí)現(xiàn)轉(zhuǎn)變的決定性時刻——恐懼變成了激情和興奮。

此刻，她微笑著擺脫恐懼。這里提出了一個尖銳的問題，“但是安全總比后悔好嗎？”?通過反省，LIisa表達(dá)了她追求冒險(xiǎn)的愿望，這將提升她的文章價值觀，并且承認(rèn)并不總是能成功。

Lisa以她將在大學(xué)從事的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)角色和活動的具體例子作為結(jié)尾，招生人員對渴望走出舒適區(qū)并在大學(xué)開始新的冒險(xiǎn)的學(xué)生通常會持正面看法，這也讓這篇文章更有說服力。

這篇文章獨(dú)特的敘事形式寫得非常出色，給人一種充滿活力、有趣、深刻的體驗(yàn)。

Lisa的價值觀貫穿整篇文章：創(chuàng)造力、決心、克服障礙、自我反省、在風(fēng)險(xiǎn)中成長，還有激情！

我們激勵學(xué)生擺脫這種消極情緒，繼續(xù)前進(jìn)并取得更大的成就！

 

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