做孩子的知心導(dǎo)師 | 清華附中國(guó)際部第十五期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校回顧

講座概況
Summary

2019年12月6日，清華附中國(guó)際部第十五期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校如期開講。繼前兩次陳開航老師主講的家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校后，家長(zhǎng)們更加感受到學(xué)習(xí)的饑渴和迫切，行政樓104房間座無虛席，過道里都加滿座位。本期講座的主題是《做孩子的知心導(dǎo)師》。開航老師演講的內(nèi)容都來自于孩子和家長(zhǎng)們?nèi)粘Ｃ鎸?duì)的挑戰(zhàn)，其中包括：如何幫助孩子處理情緒、如何與孩子建立親密的親子關(guān)系、如何幫助孩子進(jìn)行時(shí)間管理、如果孩子在學(xué)校被欺負(fù)了家長(zhǎng)該怎么辦、如何建立孩子的自尊和自信。

On December 6, 2019, the fifteenth lecture of THIS Parent School was held as scheduled. After the last two Parent School lectures which were delivered by Ms. Chen, the parents were eager to learn more- all the seats in 104 were full! The theme of this lecture was to “How to be a Good Mentor for Children.” Subtopics were as follows: daily challenges faced by children and parents, how to help children deal with emotions, how to establish closer parent-child relationships, how to help children with time management, what to do if children are bullied at school, how to build children's self-esteem and self-confidence.

講座紀(jì)實(shí)
Lecture Record

主題一 | 情緒處理

在情緒處理這個(gè)主題，開航老師首先復(fù)習(xí)之前講過的“反映性回應(yīng)技術(shù)”，針對(duì)家長(zhǎng)回家后的實(shí)操情況進(jìn)行點(diǎn)評(píng)。指出這個(gè)技術(shù)旨在“看到、看懂”孩子，使用陳述句回應(yīng)（比如：你看起來很難過；你現(xiàn)在真的很生我的氣，而不是對(duì)孩子進(jìn)行提問）能夠讓孩子感到被理解，有助于拉近親子關(guān)系。接著，開航老師為家長(zhǎng)們解讀如何區(qū)分和應(yīng)對(duì)孩子的兩種情緒狀況--發(fā)脾氣和情緒崩潰。發(fā)脾氣是一種比較“通常”的情緒失控狀況，家長(zhǎng)在家中就能夠很好的應(yīng)對(duì)和管理。崩潰則是孩子情緒非正常的一種表現(xiàn)，需要更加專業(yè)的幫助。發(fā)脾氣是孩子想要通過情緒來達(dá)到某種目的，家長(zhǎng)不應(yīng)被孩子激怒，而是平靜的陪伴孩子，溫和且堅(jiān)定的堅(jiān)持之前與孩子一起確定好的界限，讓孩子承擔(dān)起自己的責(zé)任。比如：孩子因?yàn)椴粷M意手機(jī)的使用規(guī)則而發(fā)脾氣，哭鬧不肯上學(xué)。這時(shí)，家長(zhǎng)能做的是冷靜下來，讓孩子自己應(yīng)對(duì)上學(xué)遲到帶來的麻煩。

Ms. Chen first introduced the idea of "reflective response skills" as a way to address emotional management. She pointed out that this skill aims to "see and understand" children. The use of declarative sentences (for example: you look sad; you are really angry with me now, rather than asking questions) can help make children feel understood. Then, Ms. Chen explained how to distinguish and deal with the two emotional situations of children: losing temper and emotional breakdown. Children lose their temper when their needs are not satisfied or they feel hopeless or misunderstood. Under this circumstance, parents should not respond with anger but instead, stay firm and gentle, adhere to the boundaries they created, and let children bear their own responsibilities. For example, if a child is angry and refuses to go to school because the mobile phone usage rules are not satisfactory, don't worry, accompany the child and let him deal with the trouble of being late for school.

主題二 | 建立親密的親子關(guān)系

與情緒管理密切相關(guān)的話題是如何建立親密的親子關(guān)系。開航老師表示，當(dāng)孩子向家長(zhǎng)宣泄煩心事時(shí)，正是家長(zhǎng)走進(jìn)他們內(nèi)心的良機(jī)，但一定要注意以下幾點(diǎn)：Ms. Chen provided many useful tips on establishing intimate parent-child relationships, a topic that is closely related to emotional management. When children vent their anger to parents can rely on some of the following rules：

1不要著急提建議！（重要的事情說三遍）Don't rush to make suggestions.

2對(duì)孩子而言，比父母說了什么更重要的是父母的態(tài)度。

For children, parents’ attitude is more important than their response.

3“你為什么這樣覺得”不是一個(gè)好回應(yīng)。

"Why do you think so" is not a good response.

4“反映性回應(yīng)” 可以讓孩子感到被理解，幫助他們疏解情緒。

"Reflective response" can make children feel understood and their emotions can be well relieved.

5支持孩子的感受和需要，哪怕家長(zhǎng)不支持他的行為。

Support child's feelings and needs, even if parents don't support his/her behavior.

此外，開航老師拿出了“四大法寶”幫助家長(zhǎng)更好的拉近親子關(guān)系：

The following procedures given by Ms. Chen can turn out to be magic weapons when building the parent-child relationship.

1全神貫注地傾聽

Listen attentively.

2用“嗯”“這樣啊”來回應(yīng)孩子的感受

Respond to the children's feelings with "um" and "ah like this".

3肯定并說出孩子的感受“這件事讓你很難過”Affirm the children's feelings. ("it's very sad for you.")

4用“做白日夢(mèng)”的方式實(shí)現(xiàn)他們的愿望“要是中文老師不留那么多作業(yè)該多好啊”。

Realize their wishes with "daydream" method. ("if the Chinese teacher doesn't leave so many homework.")

主題三 | 時(shí)間管理

在如何幫助孩子進(jìn)行時(shí)間管理、提高學(xué)習(xí)效率這個(gè)主題中，開航老師講授了番茄時(shí)間管理法。當(dāng)孩子有多項(xiàng)作業(yè)時(shí)，先幫助孩子列出作業(yè)任務(wù)清單；預(yù)估每項(xiàng)任務(wù)需要的時(shí)間（每半小時(shí)叫做一個(gè)“番茄時(shí)間”，其中包含25分鐘專注學(xué)習(xí)和5分鐘休息）；畫出需要的番茄個(gè)數(shù)；學(xué)習(xí)結(jié)束后用顏色標(biāo)注出已經(jīng)完成的“番茄”。通過預(yù)估時(shí)間，將任務(wù)和時(shí)間單位化，孩子可以逐漸培養(yǎng)起時(shí)間意識(shí)和成就感；比較預(yù)估的番茄數(shù)和實(shí)際使用的番茄數(shù)，孩子的學(xué)習(xí)效率變得一目了然。

Ms. Chen then introduced the tomato time management method to help kids with problems organizing and managing their time. When the child faces multiple assignments, parents can help them make a task list. Then, estimate the time required by each task (every half an hour is called a "tomato time", which includes 25 minutes of focused learning and 5 minutes of rest) and then draw the estimated number of tomatoes. After finishing all the tasks, mark the completed "tomato" with color. By estimating time, dividing tasks and time into small units, this method can cultivate a child’s time awareness and a sense of achievement. Besides, after comparing the estimated number of tomatoes with the actual number of tomatoes used, parents can also keep track of what is actually happening/ what tasks are being completed.

主題四 | 預(yù)防霸凌

如果孩子在學(xué)校被欺負(fù)了家長(zhǎng)該怎么辦？欺負(fù)和沖突是兩件事，要分別對(duì)待。如果孩子真的受到欺負(fù)（欺凌），成年人需要介入和幫助。不要告訴孩子被欺負(fù)是成長(zhǎng)中的挫折訓(xùn)練（有些欺負(fù)不會(huì)自動(dòng)復(fù)原，也不會(huì)讓人更堅(jiān)強(qiáng)）。對(duì)于如何預(yù)防校園欺凌的出現(xiàn)，開航老師給出以下建議：What should parents do if their children are bullied at school? Bullying and conflict are two things that need to be treated separately. If a child is bullied, adults need to step in and help. Don't tell your child that being bullied is a setback in growth. Bullying can cause long term difficulties and it is not something that makes our children stronger. Ms. Chen gave some practical ways to manage bullying:

1教導(dǎo)孩子以平等、相互尊重、允許差異、不追求贏者為王的價(jià)值觀相處（校園欺凌中容易受傷的孩子是那些在意別人看法的孩子）。

to cultivate the values of equality, mutual respect, allowing differences, not pursuing the winner as the king.

2多了解孩子的交友情況，提升孩子的交友能力。

to learn more about children's friendships and improve their ability to make friends.

3與孩子談?wù)勗趺醋霾攀钦嬲膹?qiáng)者，如何面對(duì)比自己強(qiáng)的人。

to talk with children about how to be a real strong person, and what can be done when others are better than themselves.

4與孩子談?wù)勈裁词切@欺凌并表明家長(zhǎng)的態(tài)度，與孩子討論應(yīng)對(duì)校園欺凌的方法。

to talk with children about what is bullying on campus and the ways and attitudes to deal with it.

主題五| 建立自尊與自信

開航老師在講座中給出如下方法，幫助孩子建立自信和自尊：How to help children build self-confidence and self-esteem?1使用選擇給予法（又稱邏輯后果法），培養(yǎng)孩子負(fù)責(zé)任和做決定的能力。家長(zhǎng)需要提供適合孩子生理和心理發(fā)展階段的選擇，大孩子大選擇，小孩子小選擇。給孩子做選擇的空間和自由，因?yàn)樽杂蓭碡?zé)任，責(zé)任帶來責(zé)任感。

to cultivate in children the ability to be responsible and make decisions by using the method of Choice Giving (also known as the Logical Consequence method). Parents should provide choices that suit children’s physical and psychological age. The choices need to be accepted by both two parties since children are more likely to follow the decisions they make themselves. Give children the space and freedom to choose. Freedom brings responsibility, responsibility brings commitment.

1幫助孩子發(fā)展出積極的“自我”感，不僅要給孩子無條件的愛和接納，還要讓孩子通過嘗試獲得勝任感，永遠(yuǎn)不要代替孩子做他們力所能及的事情。

to help children develop a positive "self" image. Parents not only need to give children unconditional love and acceptance, but also to help children gain a sense of success by allowing them to try things on their own.

2家長(zhǎng)可以給孩子做一個(gè)積極品質(zhì)海報(bào)，識(shí)別和贊賞孩子身上的閃光點(diǎn)。

to make a positive quality poster for children, identifying and appreciating the good traits of their children.

家長(zhǎng)提問摘要
Summary of Q&A

Q：孩子十年級(jí)了，沒有什么話愿意和媽媽講，總是想早點(diǎn)離開家，媽媽該怎么辦？My child is currently in the tenth grade. He has nothing to say to me and repeatedly said that he wants to leave home. What should I do?

A：繼續(xù)多陪伴孩子，建立關(guān)系。和孩子閑聊就好，避免帶目的性的聊天。To spend more time with him and build relationship. It's good to chat with you child and avoid purposeful conversations.

Q：孩子10歲，近期表現(xiàn)出很大的情緒波動(dòng)，有時(shí)放學(xué)路上突然生氣不理媽媽，自己就先沖回家去了，到家后又沒有事了，這是什么原因，媽媽該怎么辦？

My child (10 years old) has shown great mood fluctuation recently. Sometimes when I picked him up at school, he suddenly becomes angry and rush home alone. But afterwards, he becomes OK. What's the reason? What should I do?

A：孩子接近青春期情緒變化大很正常。首先兩件事讓家長(zhǎng)很欣慰，孩子有自我控制（他走回家而不是去別的地方）另外他的情緒能夠自行平復(fù)下來。這種情況家長(zhǎng)做好心理準(zhǔn)備就好，孩子的情緒起伏不一定是針對(duì)大人，父母給孩子情緒上的認(rèn)同（反映性回應(yīng)）孩子就能得到支持和幫助。

It's common for children to experience mood change when they are approaching puberty. There are two things about which parents should feel grateful. First, the child has self-control (he walks home instead of going to other places). Secondly, he can calm his mood. Children's emotional ups and downs are not necessarily aimed at adults. A reflective response to their emotions can be of great help.

本學(xué)期的三場(chǎng)家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校講座圓滿結(jié)束，家長(zhǎng)們普遍反映開航老師的講座深入淺出、干貨滿滿。國(guó)際部也會(huì)在下個(gè)學(xué)期繼續(xù)為家長(zhǎng)提供學(xué)習(xí)和交流的平臺(tái)，與家長(zhǎng)一道呵護(hù)孩子的成長(zhǎng)。

The three Parent School lectures of this semester came to a successful end. Parents gave positive feedback on both solid principles taught by Ms. Chen and practical ways to deal with different problems. THIS will continue to establish platforms for communication and provide quality lectures for parents.

以上就是關(guān)于【做孩子的知心導(dǎo)師 | 清華附中國(guó)際部第十五期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校回顧】的解答，如需了解學(xué)校/賽事/課程動(dòng)態(tài)，可至翰林教育官網(wǎng)獲取更多信息。

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