做恒溫器家長(zhǎng)|清華附中國(guó)際部第十三期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校回顧

Category: 國(guó)際學(xué)校 Date: 2019年10月16日下午12:56

Oct 11｜第13期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校

10月11日，在清華附中培訓(xùn)中心二層會(huì)議室，70多位國(guó)際部的家長(zhǎng)如約而至，共同參與家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校第十三期講座。本期講座聚焦家長(zhǎng)自身，探討親子關(guān)系中的情緒管理和有效溝通這兩大問(wèn)題。通常這也是家長(zhǎng)們最感頭疼的兩件事。主講嘉賓陳開(kāi)航老師通過(guò)理論和實(shí)戰(zhàn)的串講，給家長(zhǎng)們上了內(nèi)容豐富的一堂自我成長(zhǎng)課程。聽(tīng)課家長(zhǎng)們反應(yīng)熱烈，紛紛表示學(xué)到了很多的干貨，期待馬上回家就開(kāi)始實(shí)操。

On October 11, more than 70 parents from THIS came to the conference room on the second floor of THIS Training Center to participate in the thirteenth lecture of Parent School. This lecture focused on parents themselves and explored emotional management and effective communication, the two major issues that parents feel most headache about in the relationships with their children. Ms. Chen Kaihang, the guest speaker, gave parents a rich self-development course with emphasis on both theoretical and practical aspects of these concepts. Parents responded warmly and said they had learned a lot of practical skills. They looked forward to putting them into practice at home soon.

1情緒管理

Emotional Management

講座分為三大部分。首先針對(duì)親子溝通中的情緒問(wèn)題，開(kāi)航老師提出了“要做恒溫器家長(zhǎng)，不做溫度計(jì)家長(zhǎng)”的倡議。基于腦神經(jīng)科學(xué)的發(fā)現(xiàn)，開(kāi)航老師幫助家長(zhǎng)們認(rèn)識(shí)到家長(zhǎng)自身的情緒和行為會(huì)極大地影響孩子的情緒和行為（“鏡像神經(jīng)元”）。

The lecture consisted of threeparts. Firstly, in terms of the emotional problems in parent-child communication, Ms. Chen put forward the proposal "to be a thermostat parent, not a thermometer parent". Based on brain research and neuroscience findings, Ms. Chen helped parents realize that parents' own emotions and behaviors can greatly affect their children's emotions and behaviors in the following ways.

1孩子需要的是回應(yīng)(Response)和情感反映(Reflection)，而不是我們的反應(yīng)(React)

Children need Responses and Reflections, not Reactions.

2孩子的情緒不是我們的情緒，我們的行為和情緒不需要跟著他們的升級(jí)

Children's emotions are not parents’ emotions, the behaviors and emotions of parents should not be influenced by their children.

3有控制的家長(zhǎng)是恒溫器，失控的家長(zhǎng)是溫度計(jì)

Parents with self-control are like thermostats, parents who are emotionally out-of-control are like thermometers.

4作為家長(zhǎng)，要允許自己因?yàn)楹⒆拥氖虑槎星榫w。沒(méi)有人是完美的，是人都會(huì)犯錯(cuò)，犯錯(cuò)不要緊，但是在犯錯(cuò)之后接下來(lái)做什么這一點(diǎn)才是重要的。

Parents should allow themselves to make mistakes when handling children's affairs. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It is OK to make a mistake, but what to do next after making mistakes is very important.

5家長(zhǎng)應(yīng)當(dāng)成為孩子情緒管理和調(diào)節(jié)方面的一個(gè)榜樣

Parents should be an example interms of emotion regulation andmanagement.

2有效溝通

EffectiveCommunication

在學(xué)習(xí)了情緒管理理論后，講座進(jìn)入第二部分，即實(shí)戰(zhàn)方法的講授。針對(duì)親子溝通，開(kāi)航老師向家長(zhǎng)們介紹了兩種非常有效的方法，“反映性回應(yīng)法”和“三步設(shè)限法”。

After learning the theory of emotional management, the lecture entered the second part: practical skills. Ms. Chen introduced two effective methods of parent-child communication "Reflective Response Method" and "Three-Step Boundary Setting Method".

反映性回應(yīng)法

Reflective ResponseMethod

反映性回應(yīng)法的目的是幫助家長(zhǎng)走進(jìn)孩子的內(nèi)心世界，從而與孩子建立起更親密的親子關(guān)系。當(dāng)家長(zhǎng)“回應(yīng)”（不是“反應(yīng)”）孩子的情緒時(shí)，親子關(guān)系就拉近了，而關(guān)系越好，孩子越順?lè)议L(zhǎng)的引導(dǎo)。

Reflective Response Method can help parents enter their children's inner world and to establish closer relationship with them. When parents "respond" (not"react") to their children's emotions, the parent-child relationship can grow more intimate. The better the parent-child relationship is, the more likely the child will be to follow their parents’ guidance.

三步設(shè)限法

Three-Step Boundary SettingMethod

三步設(shè)限法旨在幫助家長(zhǎng)為孩子設(shè)立健康的界限，達(dá)到有效溝通的目的。家長(zhǎng)和孩子間經(jīng)常因?yàn)樵O(shè)立界限問(wèn)題而發(fā)生矛盾，最終陷入沒(méi)完沒(méi)了的辯論或者演變成為一場(chǎng)不歡而散的戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)。三步設(shè)限法的第一步要求家長(zhǎng)運(yùn)用反映性回應(yīng)法，首先確認(rèn)孩子的感受和需求。第二步溝通明確的界限。最后一步提供家長(zhǎng)和孩子都能夠接受的替代選擇。

The Three-Step Boundary Setting Method can help parents set reasonable boundaries for their children and to achieve the goal of effective communication. Parents and children frequently have conflicts over boundaries, as a result, fall into endless debates or pointless quarrels, leaving both feeling wounded and unhappy. The first step of Three-Step Boundary Setting Method is to use the Reflective Response Method to confirm children's feelings and needs. Then parents are suggested to set clear boundaries through communication in the second step, and finally parents could provide alternatives which are acceptable to them and their children.

3實(shí)際運(yùn)用

Applications

在兩種方法介紹完畢后，開(kāi)航老師帶領(lǐng)與會(huì)家長(zhǎng)進(jìn)行了實(shí)戰(zhàn)演練。每名家長(zhǎng)都假設(shè)自己是一名在訓(xùn)的學(xué)員，要把老師剛才教授的兩種方法在實(shí)際的親子互動(dòng)情境中運(yùn)用出來(lái)。開(kāi)航老師對(duì)家長(zhǎng)的現(xiàn)場(chǎng)表演進(jìn)行了點(diǎn)評(píng)，經(jīng)過(guò)這樣的演練，理論變成了實(shí)踐，家長(zhǎng)們對(duì)兩種方法的原理的理解更加牢固，也增強(qiáng)了實(shí)操的信心。

After introducing the two methods, parents were invited to conduct a drill where they applied the two methods to real parent-child interaction situations. After practicing, parents gained a more solid understanding of the two methods, and they became more confident in the application of the two theories.

4家長(zhǎng)反饋

Parents’ Feedbacks

陳老師的講座使我懂得了控制情緒的重要，以及一些很實(shí)用的控制情緒的方法。

Ms. Chen's lecture taught me the importance of controlling my own emotions and some practical methods of emotion regulation.

學(xué)習(xí)了很多概念：鏡像、共情，三步設(shè)限法等等。今天明確了三步設(shè)限法的內(nèi)容和具體操作，回家就可以操練。

Very rewarding! I learnt mirror neuron, empathy, Three-Step Boundary Setting, and so on. Can’t wait to practice them at home.

今天學(xué)習(xí)到當(dāng)孩子有情緒時(shí)，首先家長(zhǎng)的情緒要平靜，才能幫助孩子。學(xué)到了具體可實(shí)踐的方法，非常受益!Today I learned that when children have emotions, parents should first be calm so as to help them. Plus, the practical methods are very beneficial!

講座中家長(zhǎng)們深深感受到開(kāi)航老師的專業(yè)功底和文化理解力，以及她作為一名學(xué)校心理咨詢老師對(duì)孩子和家長(zhǎng)們的深切愛(ài)心。家長(zhǎng)們滿懷感恩，感謝學(xué)校提供了這樣一個(gè)寶貴的學(xué)習(xí)機(jī)會(huì)。也特別期待開(kāi)航老師在第十四期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校中與家長(zhǎng)分享下一個(gè)話題。

During the lecture, parents were deeply impressed by the professional background and the cultural understanding of Ms. Chen. As the Primary Counselor, Ms. Chen deeply loves her students and keeps contact with parents. Parents are grateful to the school for providing such a valuable learning opportunity for them. They are also looking forward to attending the next lecture of Parent School.

第十四期家長(zhǎng)學(xué)校報(bào)名通道已經(jīng)開(kāi)啟！

The 14th Parent School Registration Channel is open!

講座時(shí)間：11月1日13:30-15:00

Time: 13:30-15:00 on Nov 1st, 2019

講座地點(diǎn)：清華附中培訓(xùn)樓二層會(huì)議室

Venue: conference room on the second floor of THIS Training Center

講座主題：做七十二變的成長(zhǎng)型家長(zhǎng)

Topic: Being a Growing Parent

主講人：陳開(kāi)航

Speaker：Kaihang Chen

講座內(nèi)容 | Content

不同年齡孩子的發(fā)展特點(diǎn)

The characteristics of children in different ages.

家長(zhǎng)如何適應(yīng)孩子在不同年齡階段的變化和需要

How do parents adapt to the changes and needs of their children in different ages?

怎么和不同年齡的孩子談自我保護(hù)

How to talk about self-protection with children of different ages?

怎么和不同年齡的孩子談?wù)撠?zé)任和愛(ài)

How to talk about responsibility and love with children of different ages?

怎么和不同年齡的孩子談?wù)撍麄兂砷L(zhǎng)中的煩惱

How to talk with children of different ages about their growing pains

怎么幫助不同年齡的孩子處理好他們?cè)趯W(xué)校和同學(xué)之間的關(guān)系

How to help children of different ages deal with their relationship with classmatesat school?

關(guān)于主講人

陳開(kāi)航，是一位中英雙語(yǔ)心理咨詢師，也是一位經(jīng)過(guò)專業(yè)訓(xùn)練的、以兒童為中心的游戲治療師，現(xiàn)任清華附中國(guó)際部心理輔導(dǎo)老師。開(kāi)航在北京出生和長(zhǎng)大，美國(guó)范德堡大學(xué)碩士畢業(yè)，專攻學(xué)校心理咨詢專業(yè)，本科她畢業(yè)于中國(guó)人民大學(xué)，后赴美留學(xué)。因?yàn)樵谥忻纼蓢?guó)的學(xué)習(xí)和生活經(jīng)歷，她希望能成為溝通中西文化的橋梁，幫助學(xué)生在不同文化中自由游走，她在學(xué)校里既是孩子們的大朋友，也是他們的支持者，開(kāi)航還和其他老師以及家長(zhǎng)們密切合作，幫助學(xué)生在學(xué)校和生活中成為最好的自己。

Kaihang Chen is a bilingual counselor and a professional child-centered therapist. She works as a school counselor at THIS. Kaihang is born and raised in Beijing. She studied school counseling at the United States and graduated with a master degree from Vanderbilt University. She got her bachelor degree from Renmin University of China. Because of her education and working experiences in both America and China, she is willing to bridge the western and eastern culture and help her students to be free in different cultures. She enjoys her role as an advocator and adult friend for the children in the building.At THIS, Kaihang works closely with teachers and parents to help all the students meet their full potentials not only at school but also in their life.

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